Juvia's Sexy & Innuendos
by Haliel
Summary: Juvia's latest plan to get Gray to love her doesn't quite turn out the way she had hoped...


Unfortunately, I don't own anything Fairy Tail, and I make no profit out of this, if only a few laughs!

Summary: Juvia's latest plan to get Gray to love her doesn't quite turn out the way she had hoped. With added innuendos befitting everything that is Fairy Tail!

* * *

Juvia clutched the shaped glass bottle tight to her chest, her hands shaking from both excitement and fear. _"Juvia has done it, she can finally be with her Gray-sama!" _Juvia sighed wistfully and looked over her shoulder towards her infatuation, hidden by the crates.

She watched, entranced as Gray… Juvia squealed in a whisper, a red tint forming along her cheeks _"Topless…"_ ….slammed his hands on the table in front of him, evidently arguing with Natsu, his muscles rippling.

Juvia tore her gaze away from her one true love and stared at the shimmering lilac liquid. _"It will work. Juvia knows it will. It has taken Juvia a lot to get this"._

And it had. Hours earlier, Juvia was in a shop, something akin to black market, back-alley shop, pleading with the owner to give her something that would help win over true love. Though she was crushed when the owner had said that there was no such potion. Juvia got up ready to leave.

"However, there may be a way…"

Juvia spun around, her blue curls bouncing, running back to the desk the old man sat at. "Please tell Juvia, that's all Juvia would wish for", the bluenette cupped her hands to her chest and looked up at the cragged ceiling. "Juvia would give anything…"

The man before her chuckled, standing and wobbled over to a nearby shelf filled with bottles. He took down a clear bottle filled with silvery liquid. "This, this is what you need. It will make the love in question stare at you with full passion, will follow every whim… will give you every… part of him"

Juvia blushed _"Every… part". _

The ex-element four wizard's sapphire eyes followed the bottle, smiling. The old man sat back into his chair, limbs and joints creaking, twirling the bottle in his bent hands. Unable to contain herself, Juvia leaned forward her hand outstretched, reaching for the bottle. She squeaked when the elderly man snapped his hand back and put the bottle out of reach.

"No touching the good before purchase". The old man grinned wiggling a gnarled index finger. "Naughty girl".

"But… but Juvia would like to buy it. Juvia needs it." The wizard went for her purse.

"Ah, deary are you willing to pay the price for it?"

"Of course! Juvia has saved and saved… after the last potion disaster, Juvia wants to get this right!" Why was this old man stalling?

A wrinkled forehead creased and chapped lips broke into a smile "50,000 Jewel-"

"Juvia will take it! Tha-".

"I was not finished… 50,000 Jewel and a little something extra". The old man wiggled his thick eyebrows at the water mage, fingers wiggling.

"Wh…what else?" Juvia was afraid of what the seller had to say…

* * *

They had moved to a back room, the floor was littered with god knows what and there was an odd smell to the place too. Juvia shifted, uncomfortable.

"You need to be…" the old man chuckled, "sexy.."

"Huh? Juvia does not understand."

"How can you expect a man to like you if you're not sexy? This potion captures all of that, and when he is exposed to it will make him go crazy for you!"

Juvia turned slightly, stood straight and still, eyes widening. _"Captures all of Juvia? Juvia needs to give all of herself to Gray-sama? All of her 'sexy'?" _Juvia almost exploded at the thought of it. _"Juvia is willing to give it all to Gray-sama. But the sexy?"_

The old man tried not to laugh to himself, the distress and torn decision of the woman in front of him clear. He was having too much fun… he'd give himself a heart attack at this rate. He was admiring the young female's hips until she turned towards him, eyes baring into his. "Juvia will do it! Tell Juvia what to do.."

The old pervert rubbed his hands together… "Well lets start with this".

* * *

Juvia shuddered at the memory, Natsu's loud shout and a crash bringing her back to reality. Getting up onto her knees, Juvia got ready and steeled herself to approach Gray.

"Don't touch it Flame brain! You'll give it a burn!" Juvia peered over the crates and almost died at what she saw. In front of her, both Gray and Natsu were naked save their underwear, their backs turned to her.

"_Gr…Gray-sama's legs! I..I mean what happened to their clothes!"_

Natsu turned and growled back, leaning into Gray's personal space, fist aflame. "Well then don't touch mine! You almost froze it last time with your damn cold hands. I dunno how you ever got on!" Juvia gasped covering her mouth, and bent low behind the crates again, when Natsu's fiery fist went careening towards Gray, aiming down.

She heard Gray cry out in alarm and swore a swift death on the pink haired mage should her Gray be damaged in any way. Getting her wits about her, Juvia moved again to continue spying, she smiled noting that Gray was ok, nothing burnt. _"I'll still kill him for trying…"_

"Don't aim straight for it, idiot. you're just jealous mines bigger!" Juvia's eyes widened in realisation as Gray's hands gestured to the front him, very close to his crotch area.

"_Are…are they talking about their…their…." _Juvia shook her head hard, but still looked on.

"Ha! Bigger! You bet…" Natsu edged in closer and both boys looked down, analysing. "Well Wider… mines wider!" Juvia blushed, her mind going ten to the dozen. She had to get a better look.

"Fatter more like…"

"Say what ice for brains! Besides its not about the size its about the way you use it, what you do with it! I doubt yours could do much, its looks a bit mental" Juvia stumbled, cheeks burning. _"Ahhhhh…. This is too much!". _Juvia had to stop to calm her shaking, worried about dropping the potion.

"And what exactly are you going to do with that huh? All you can use that for is just to wave at people!" Juvia almost fainted, her hands went straight to her ears, the bottle knocking her slightly on the head. _"No, no, no, no…"_

The fire wizard slammed his hands down on the table and pointed. "Gray how stupid are you? You know they cant wave! I'm going to use it to attack you!"

"Argh! You are so annoying! Anyway mine would beat up yours any day!"

"Has being too close to me melted your brain? Look at it, its really skinny! Don't you ever play with it, make it stronger!"

"That's not how it works! Its to do with food! Jeez, looks like yours has had far too much".

"Ah teme! Don't flick it!" Natsu leaned in closer to Gray, snickering.

"Natsu you…. OI! Don't squeeze! If you wanna pet it be gentle at least!" Gray punched Natsu's shoulder, making him back off.

"Don't hit me!" Natsu retaliated by kicking Gray's shin earning him a scorning look. "Besides mines more softer". The dark haired mage said nothing, punching his frenemy in the face instead. Natsu jumped up from where he landed.

"You wanna go bastard!" Juvia heard a loud thump and a familiar voice yelling about manliness. _"Elfman…" _Shakily, and using the crates as support Juvia peered over again, Elfman had arrived, partly blocked by Gray and Natsu.

"Your's aren't manly enough. Look here!" Elfman posed with his hands on his hips and the soft thump Juvia had heard earlier was whatever Elfman had put on the table.

"Pah! That's so tiny… and fat! What's that gonna do!"

"It's really hairy Elfman…You can bearly see it!" Gray leant in, trying to take a better look.

"Well nee-chan likes it!"

"Mira likes anything Elfman. Seriously though, it looks dead…"

Elfman glared at Natsu, challenge obviously accepted, and Juvia watched as Elfman's arm moved up and down. "SEE! THIS IS MANLY!"

She watched, bemused, entranced… she didn't know as Gray and Natsu shuffled back a little and looked down and sighed. "Well ours don't do that", Gray mumbled barely over a whisper.

"AHHHH! Well watch this" Natsu proceeded to jump up and down…

"NATSU! Don't do that… you'll hurt it". Natsu stopped and cocked his head to side and smiled. His smile dropped though when Lucy clouted him on the head with a fist. "Put some clothes on. You too Gray. Why aren't you both wearing clothes?"

"He froze them off" Natsu accused, waving a hand at Gray the other nursing the growing lump on his head.

Gray looked down, hopping on one foot, "Shit… I didn't notice!"

A familiar perfume reached Juvia's nose and the embarrassment she felt soon became loathing. _"Luuuuuucy…." _Juvia hissed in her head , mentally constructing a plan of how Lucy's death could look like suicide… or an accident. Juvia was happy with either.

Lucy came around the table to the same side Elfman was on. Juvia heard cloth rustle and then heard the boys ooohing and aaahing.

"Wow Lucy, didn't know you had that!"

"…manly"

"I'm not a man…" Lucy grumbled, rubbing her forehead in frustration. "Anyway I picked it up at the local store and well, we've become quite attached." Lucy smiled brightly and gestured towards the boys in front of her, giggling. "It's taken really well to Plue, he understands that we can't ignore it!"

Er... Lucy, it's twitching" Lucy sighed, smiling warmly.

"Don't worry Natsu, it's just feeling a little intimidated… it does that. I mean doesn't yours?"

Natsu stood up proudly. "Nope, Luce! This little one stiffens up!"

Lucy nodded, breathing out a laugh. "I can see that… have to say though it's taken a liking to Gray's…"

Elfman barked out a chuckle. "Love is manly!"

Both boys choked, staring at each other, gaping. "NO WAY IS MY…" They paused mid-sentence and glowered at each other.

Lucy cut in with a small cough. "Hey did you guys name yours? Loke decided that mine needed a name, so we called it Wiggles!"

"Names are manly! I will call mine… Pokey!"

"That's really fitting Elfman", Lucy clapped turning her attention on the still fighting teens. "Gray? Natsu?"

Natsu was first to answer, flipping Gray the bird, blanking him. "Ahm.. No idea! Happy?"

Lucy groaned… "No Natsu, it's got to be original how about…" Lucy pondered a slim finger tapping on her chin, "Oh I know! Minnie!" Natsu look of incredulity, forced Lucy to explain.

"Don't look at me like that! Its pretty much a mini you! Pink hair and all…" Lucy paused, thinking, "you didn't….did you dye its hair!" Lucy pinned Natsu with a look that said 'if you did I'd kill you'. Not that it was her problem anyways.

"NO!"

Lucy nodded. "Well… good" she turned to Gray, and Juvia watched a Lucy leant over and did something in front of Gray which made him smile. "What did you name yours?"

"Beanpole" Gray shrugged when he received blank looks. "What?"

By this point Juvia was seething, practically steam coming from her ears, her hands wrapped so tightly around the bottle she threatened to smash it. Everything was cloaked in silence, until…

"Hey Lucy? Can I stroke yours?"

"Sure Gray, but be gentle, I just discovered its really ticklish…" Juvia watched in horror as Gray leaned over the wooden table and bent forwards towards Lucy.

"NOOOOOO GRAY-SAMA!" Juvia realised her mistake too late as four heads whipped around, with expressions of surprise. Juvia had jumped onto the nearest crate, hand held outwards in shock and pleading.

"Oh, Juvia… what are you doing back there?" Juvia smiled when Gray looked at her, questioning. _"Ah, Gray-sama, thank goodness you didn't touch her! Its Juvia you need…"_

Natsu leant back to stare at Juvia and called her over. "Oi, Julia! You can come judge whose is the best!"

Juvia almost fell off the crate in disbelief. "Juvia… Ju…Juvia couldn't… mustn't" Juvia turned away from the group, saddened that her plan had gone so wrong, kicking herself over and over again mentally.

"Its Juvia, Natsu…." Lucy sighed. "Please Juvia, its fun and they're really cute… though Elfman… Your's is really hairy".

Elfman scoffed "Hair is manly!"

"N..n..no. Juvia has, had… has work to do". Juvia started to walk off stiffly, shakily.

"C'mon Juvia. Its just for fun" Gray encouraged. Juvia's cheeks flamed up again and she stopped mid walk. Could she look? _"Its not right to look". _Its for Gray-sama though. _"But Lucy's there too…" _But, but Gray-sama and his.. His… nakedness…. _"Right, but Elfman". _GRAY-SAMA!

There was a slight pause, _Well you won us over"._

Juvia nodded gently, her battle with her conscience over. Blinking and wondering why on earth she was doing and moving before she stopped herself again, Juvia walked towards the table.

"_I am a Fairy Tail mage. We take challenges, we fight, we don't abandon our friends when they're in need"_. And Gray-sama is definitely in need, Juvia agreed with her mental voice. She walked up to the table, eyes closed, mouth tight. Her hands were shaking and sweating.

"_DO IT!"._

Juvia's blue eyes snapped open and she let out a small gasp and dropped the potion, the surprise shocking her to numbness. The entire contents of the broken bottle pouring out onto the table, forgotten. _"This is not what Juvia expected… This is mad!"_

Before her on the table, staring up at her with small, glossy eyes, were four -

"H..H..Hamsters?"

* * *

The effect was almost instantaneous. The mages watched as Natsu's pink hamster, Minnie, wobbled forwards and started to lick up the spilled potion. She was soon followed by Wiggles who squeaked in anger and then started to tremble when Pokey walked into him, the fat, fluffy hamster unable to see where he was going. Beanpole stayed back a while, sniffing, shaking. Its eyes blinking separately.

The mages watched silently Minnie let out a wheep and darted forward off the table landing with a thud on the floor.

"GAH! NO!" Natsu ran to his hamster, but was thwarted when she ran through his fingers and out towards Juvia. The mages looked on clueless and bemused, but started moving again when first Wiggles ran off the table and towards the water mage, followed by the chunky Pokey who fell flat and lay there a minute before getting up and fumbling onwards.

Lucy and Elfman started to chase their hamsters, both of whom ran between their fingers and made another beeline towards Juvia.

Minnie had made her way there first and without hesitation ran up Juvia's shoe and up her leg. Juvia shrieked in surprise, hands flying to catch the rodent that had shot up into her skirt.

Natsu ran over to the blue-haired mage but got a foot in the leg when he attempted to pull down her skirt to fetch his beloved pet. Natsu fell to the floor, cradling his leg, cursing both women and high heels. Natsu had just about got to his feet when he was sent careening backwards, Elfman having dived for his Pokey, missed and had flown into Natsu. The two males spun on the floor before crashing into the crates Juvia had been hiding behind not ten minutes ago.

Lucy tried to catch her breath, bracing herself on her knees. _"boy they can move fast. Even the fat one…"_

"JUVIA, watch out!" Lucy just managed to put a foot forward and grimaced when Wiggles shot up Juvia's leg.

Juvia let out a cry of alarm and fell backwards, arms flailing, Lucy failing to catch her. Lucy was at a loss, she wanted to help the poor girl, but didn't want to appear to be harassing her, I mean look what happened to Natsu. The blonde looked over her shoulder and frowned, neither Elfman or Natsu had come out from underneath the crates.

Lucy turned sharply as Juvia screamed and noticed that Pokey had sat on the bluenette's face. Lucy scrambled for it, but missed as he flew into the collar of Juvia's shirt, Lucy ending up knocking Juvia in the eye.

Gray looked on amused. His hamster still hadn't moved it was still shaking and sniffing. Picking the ginger hamster up and putting it in his shirt pocket (which he had finally found), Gray moved towards the two girls.

"Help Juvia…." There was a pause as Juvia stilled, "Ahhhhh Its peed! Gray-sama! It has peed on Juvia". She began to writhe on the floor again.

"Hang in there Juvia" Lucy decided enough was enough and started to pat down Juvia, hunting down the little pests. A shadow descended over her and Lucy look up to find Gray staring down at them,

hands in pocket.

"Well don't just stand there! Help us!"

Gray chuckled and grabbed Juvia's arm, hauling her upwards. Through her distress, Juvia didn't even know what was happening, her eyes shut tightly. Rolling his eyes, Gray gave the water mage a quick shake and watched as three hamsters tumbled out of Juvia's top, and safely into Lucy's hands.

Juvia's knees gave out and she fell against Gray. Juvia suddenly realised that the hamsters had gone and, she blushed, she was against something very hard and warm. _"Warm… safe"._ Blinking through tears and thick lashes, Juvia looked up and flushed a hot red.

Looking down at her, with an unreadable expression was her one and only, and she was in his arms. _"Not Lucy!" _

"G- Gray-sama…" Juvia smiled sweetly, the potion had worked, not the way it should have done, but in a turn of events, she was in his arms no less!

"You alright Juvia?"

Juvia nodded and lifted her hand up meaning to touch Gray's cheek, she locked her deep blue eyes with Gray's almost black ones, a moment shared between them. Juvia sighed, continuing to reach out. "Gray-sama…I…I…Lov-"

"Ah! You little shit!" the ice mage lifted his hands up, promptly dropping Juvia, and went for his pocket, withdrawing a ginger, quivering mess of a hamster. Gray stomped off, leaving Juvia alone on the floor, forgotten.

Juvia sat there, her bottom throbbing and looked about. Her potion shattered, Gray walking off, Lucy helping Elfman and Natsu untangle themselves from wood and the hamsters wheeping to each other on the spare table where Lucy had deposited them.

Juvia looked at the floor, looked around the room once more and cried.

Juvia's sexy was wasted on hamsters….

* * *

Well I hoped you enjoyed! Review? Critisim? Give it to me!


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